Choosing One's Own Path to Health

CFS Challenge: Finding new ways to honor the body's limits, and balance activity and rest. 

No two people can follow the same protocol for healing or rather, subduing their CFS symptoms. From what I have read, that's all we can do is "manage the symptoms." I am not going to lie, it looks bleak, and at times I get pretty bummed out. 

As I have already experienced, I am quite proficient in overstimulating myself and pushing past my limits. I guess that is the kind of person I have always been. As a child I remember whining to Mom, "I'm bored!" When I try to do less and be more serene, my mind thinks it has found it's perfect audience, and the chatter begins. Then I think about all of the things I want to do, how I can do them, and so on. Needless to say, even on low energy, I will attempt as much as I can before nearly falling over. 

Then I have the crashing days. If it's a day off from work, I am relieved as I don't even want to leave the apartment. Even still, feeling like the living dead and accomplishing nothing feels like a wasted day, which then leads to depressive feelings and feelings of worthlessness. 

As horrible as the fatigue, the dizziness, the headaches--and so much more!-- are, I am trying to view this positively. In a way, I have no choice but to get creative and design a new way to live my life to my satisfaction while maintaining balance so as not to overdo it. I am far from blazing this new trail, but I am going to consider myself an explorer rather than a helpless victim. 

I have not found much in the way of support groups either online or in person. I did read a warning that support groups can be dangerous if there are too many controlling sad people in them bringing everyone down. So, maybe like creating my new life, I am on a solo project here and need to find ways to support myself emotionally as well as physically. 

Friends and family seem to be kind of stumped on what to say or do, and who could blame them? I think for me it is going to be about asking for help when I need it, and even just reaching out and asking someone to either give me a shoulder to cry on or tell me a joke. There are times for both, believe me. I would be lying if I said I never jump on the pity train from time to time. Frustration isn't a strong enough word to describe how it feels to wake up and feel absolutely horrible for what appears to be no good reason. 

Spiritual by nature, I also believe there is a deeper lesson to be learned. For me, balance and self care come to mind. I need to balance--if I have some energy and over do it, I will be empty the next day (or two, five, or seven!). And self care, I ought to have learned this in massage school, but I seem to only have learned it in theory. Now it's time to practice recognizing my own value and worth. I don't have to make sure everyone else is happy before I can be happy. 

As I explore I am sure I will discover more reasons for this health condition. Until then, I will take it one day at a time. 

Time to wind down with some meditation before bedtime.